determine your character.

You can judge a person’s character 99% of the time by looking at the five or so closest people they associate themselves with. Who you hang around with eventually becomes who you are like.


You may have heard that if you hang around with criminals long enough, eventually you’ll become one…or that if you hang around with angry or depressed people, eventually you may become one of them as well. You ARE who you associate yourself with. 


First of all, the most important point I am trying to make here is that it is VERY important to surround yourself with the people that you want to be like or that live like you... Why? Because one way or another, the people around you are going to influence your everyday actions and habits.


If you knew better, you'd do better.


For those of you that have followed some of my other blogs, yes this is a post from December 2009.  It's still applicable today with some small edits.

happiness & success

I found this really great post that was shared by Jaana Nyström I have circled on google+

There are so many good points that were mentioned that I had to post it here.

1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
2. Work at something somewhere you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.
3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.
6. Be generous.
7. Have a grateful heart.
8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.
9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.
12. Commit yourself to quality.
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.
14. Be loyal.

15. Be honest.
16. Be a self-starter.
17. Be decisive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong.
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
20. Take good care of those you love.
21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.

hit the link for the original source w/ photo: happiness & success 

make it happen, now.

I'm developing this skill, one that has taken me a long time to really wrap my head around. Lately, I've been practicing those difficult and confrontational conversations. You know, those conversations you just really don't  want to have?  Maybe it's an inequity about pay/compensation or position at work, or maybe it's related to a leadership position and guiding others in a team environment for the betterment of the team.  Maybe it's about something disturbing in a relationship or maybe it's related to someone that needs help and you feel like you're overstepping boundaries in order to do so.  Whatever it is, nobody likes to have these talks. However, I find that they are some of the most important things you could possibly carry out. 

The more uncomfortable something is to talk about, generally the more important it actually is. I've often been told that success is often determined by the things you will do, that nobody else is willing or able to do. So many people avoid conflict and as a result it ends up hurting you in the end. If a conversation wasn't important, then it probably wouldn't bother you. Therefore, you'd be able to have the conversation.  So why wait to have the conversation?  Waiting amplifies tension.


I can admit that while I've never been perfect in a confrontational conversation, I have tried to implement good communication.  An example of this would be while I was coaching and playing competitive softball.  I saw that after running the team for a year or two, I needed to set expectations for the team.  I needed to talk about who played what role,  make it known that someone could be cut from the team when others didn't put in the work and let it be known that there were no guarantees to remain on the roster. It was a difficult task upfront and sometimes I didn't have the respect from the players to harness their egos. On the other hand, setting these expectations made it much easier when I later had come to the decision to be the bad guy by cutting or parting ways. 

I have noticed that one thing in particular has helped me: getting out there. Putting myself into uncomfortable situations with strangers and having to communicate with them has greatly improved my interpersonal skills.  Doing something that makes you uncomfortable helps you loosen up. There are times when approaching a tough subject will be easier to deny than to confront.  The more you are able to bite the bullet and overcome this approach, the easier it all becomes.  

Several years ago, I had a boss at the time tell me that “you'll never get what you don't ask for”. He was right. My advice is to make it known what it is that you want. Don't expect things to just happen, you'll need to make them happen.  Do something with something, or do something with nothing.

What are your thoughts?

are fantasies a relationship ruiner?

Fantasies in a relationship aren't really good, or are they?


I think it's harmful to have fantasies in a relationship and here is why:

• It's not good for you to get hooked into someone who's unavailable, and becoming emotionally invested causes you to react differently to your significant other.
• The fantasy makes you less emotionally available to other men/women.
• No one can ever measure up to a fantasy, it's not real. It's like the movies, that stuff doesn't really happen, although (I could argue that it has happened to me but that's a topic coming to you, soon.) I think it's best to stay grounded in reality instead, this way you don't have unrealistic expectations or disappointment when that person doesn't deliver what you expect. 

Good, Bad, Indifferent?

single and loving it; doesn't really jive with me

a few weeks ago, I made a facebook status about a double standard.  it triggered quite a reaction; today... a friend made a status that said...  'for those people that say they love to be single... try being in love and tell me which one is better' or something along those lines and it made me want to blog about that thought I had a few weeks ago.

I am single, but I am not sure I would happily CHOOSE to be. I think there is a distinct difference between being single by circumstance and being single by choice. I don't believe that we as humans are built to be single, to be on our own. yes, we can argue that you can be happy and be single - and I don't deny that. surrounded by ones friends or families... one can happily go through life never feeling "lonely"... one remains ALONE though.

I believe that it is everyone's want to have that one person that they can share things with. Intimate moments - not physical moments, but emotional moments, special times, precious memories. I don't think that humans were built not to have this type of relationship.

So why "choose to be single"? I don't believe that.

I think that this is an excuse, a cop out, a capitulation.. for lack of better words, it's blasphemy.

I think that when someone (and I include myself in this) says they "choose" to be single, they are saying they are either to lazy or too scared to get into relationship with another. I suppose sometimes this can be fair enough - after a long relationship, a particularly painful experience, but in the long term, choosing to be single is giving up on being in a relationship.