make it happen, now.

I'm developing this skill, one that has taken me a long time to really wrap my head around. Lately, I've been practicing those difficult and confrontational conversations. You know, those conversations you just really don't  want to have?  Maybe it's an inequity about pay/compensation or position at work, or maybe it's related to a leadership position and guiding others in a team environment for the betterment of the team.  Maybe it's about something disturbing in a relationship or maybe it's related to someone that needs help and you feel like you're overstepping boundaries in order to do so.  Whatever it is, nobody likes to have these talks. However, I find that they are some of the most important things you could possibly carry out. 

The more uncomfortable something is to talk about, generally the more important it actually is. I've often been told that success is often determined by the things you will do, that nobody else is willing or able to do. So many people avoid conflict and as a result it ends up hurting you in the end. If a conversation wasn't important, then it probably wouldn't bother you. Therefore, you'd be able to have the conversation.  So why wait to have the conversation?  Waiting amplifies tension.


I can admit that while I've never been perfect in a confrontational conversation, I have tried to implement good communication.  An example of this would be while I was coaching and playing competitive softball.  I saw that after running the team for a year or two, I needed to set expectations for the team.  I needed to talk about who played what role,  make it known that someone could be cut from the team when others didn't put in the work and let it be known that there were no guarantees to remain on the roster. It was a difficult task upfront and sometimes I didn't have the respect from the players to harness their egos. On the other hand, setting these expectations made it much easier when I later had come to the decision to be the bad guy by cutting or parting ways. 

I have noticed that one thing in particular has helped me: getting out there. Putting myself into uncomfortable situations with strangers and having to communicate with them has greatly improved my interpersonal skills.  Doing something that makes you uncomfortable helps you loosen up. There are times when approaching a tough subject will be easier to deny than to confront.  The more you are able to bite the bullet and overcome this approach, the easier it all becomes.  

Several years ago, I had a boss at the time tell me that “you'll never get what you don't ask for”. He was right. My advice is to make it known what it is that you want. Don't expect things to just happen, you'll need to make them happen.  Do something with something, or do something with nothing.

What are your thoughts?